30/04/09

Happy Anniversary to myself for loving one person for the 7th month...

is this a happy thing?

for me..

i did suffered

i did happy with her.

i did sad because of her.

i did moody because of her.

Things to me now are numb...

Problems to me now are numb...

Who will be the one for me when i'm moody?

Who will think of me when they have a problem?

I did so many things just want people to know that i care for them?

if that is so hard?

what for i want to be so suffering?!!

Who will need me when they have a problem?

Who will want me to stay with them when they have a problem?

Who will call me and tell me that things happening on them?

Who will wants me to console or comfort them when things happened?

Who will ???

?.? All these questions keep going round and round..

A friend

almost perfect..

good in study,

good looking,

got faith in everything,

a good and warm person to stay with,

a good boyfriend.

What am i?

NOTHING~

I'm just good in giving people fake promises and sweet words....

I'm just good in giving good excuses to myself...

LOL...

Love a person in the wrong time,

Thinking of getting return...

LOL....

Many things said to her...

she become numb...

nothing i say to her will effect her...

i feel very very depressed...

haiz

even my friend tell her...

still can console her...

when she has a problem

i cant tell or help anything,

even console i also not good in it...

she won't think of me when she has a problem

even how hard i console her...

she's just take that i'm not there also...

Even through she expressed to me

i found myself like forcing her too much..

i scared i msg her again will make she moody...

will i effect her mood? ? ?

i guess no ...

Nobody needs me anyway...

=D Anything relate to love promises and sweet words wont be true or real,

=D Dont ever believe or trust fake promises.... 

18/4/2009

i'm depressed,

Mum's there nagging last night...

Keep asking the same questions,

Why can't you study well?

Come on, study...

Why you do not want to study?

Next time you want to stand on the supermarket with salary of rm750??!!

I'm thining everything to myself.

Everything i've got, 

will be ruined by myself.

Best friends,

love,

sports,

all of them,

i don't have anything good at it.

Why is things so hard settle?

Why can't hings be simple and easy?

Why things is such complicated and confusing?

Why can't i do things to be simple and easy?

Why can't i make things good and maybe the best of one of them.

In love, 

Why can't i've a long and steady relationship

Why can't i find a person to love for a long long time?

In sports,

Why i trained for so long, can't be better then anyone,

is like stuck at that level, will never improve or anything,

In studies,

Why i can worry about that i would fail but why can't go and improve it or make my result become better?

I don't have anything special.

I don't have anything extraordinary.

Not like another people,

got something special on them,

I can't help anything, anyone.

Is that i'm always such a failure in everything?

WHO WILL BE THERE FOR ME?

WHEN I NEED SOMEONE? O.o

Words are written down at

11:24am

11/4/2009

Today is really a bad day to pass,

my best friend,

quarrel with her,

but don't know why,

feeling kinda sorry to her,

well,

i did something very SORRY to her

i did regret,

i should expect things that she cant do,

i'm really a stupid person!

IDIOT!

just that she didnt bother your msg so what,

that's her freedom,

why i should be such a gangster,

destroying things.

well,

i guess i'm not a good friend to her,

although we are fine now,

is just that she is still treating me the same way,

i really miss the time she really treat me as a good friend,

haiz....

this is what max khaw deserves...

is really my fault anyway,

i started this,

almost broke up with her, ( i meant by best friends)

well, she does cares about me,

why should i think so much and expect so much

since we are just best friend

i should enough that she console me,

i'm really an IDIOT!!!!

why cant we be like normal,

why i should care so much,

she is just really my best friend

although i love her so much..so much..

sorry huiyine for today.

i really regret how i treated you today.

i'm sorry

can i find back the way you used to treat me? o.O

i hope to be best friend again.

hope that you will forgive me.

sorry.

(i love you) this three words is no more use to you.

i shall keep that.

sorry.

millions of sorry.

i should be enough and satisfied.

sorry~ 

really sorry~

Words are written down at

11:36pm

Today is a bad day...

7/4/09

I always thought that crying alone is better,

but now it's different.

Everything is changing,

suddenly i have the confidence back to be what i am.

Because her,

as she promised, 

she will always be there for me,

but she did.

I'm really glad,

crying alone,

but with a smile in her face,

light up my life,

Console whenever i'm moody

now only i know,

how important she is in my life,

i'm unconditionally in love with her.

I'm glad i have a such best friend like her,

Even i'm not with her.

6th months of loving her. 

Thanks to Huiyine. =D

You gave me all i ever wanted,

so it is enough for me. ^^

Words are written at 1:01am